For the Glory of God

I haven't mentioned my miscarriage and how it has affected me in a long time. I'm not sure how long it was after my last entry, but eventually I was able to start inquiring about newborns and pregnancies. I remember asking my first expectant mom how she was doing and asked when the due date was. It kinda caught me off guard and after I left her I had a big knot in my throat. But I had made that initial breakthrough which is all a part of healing.

On Thursday, May 30 we found out we were pregnant again. I was extremely anxious and didn't want to fathom being pregnant again because if I was expecting, there was a chance to lose another baby. The fear and anxiety was overwhelming. And it continued for weeks. I didn't even make an appointment to see my OB until after 6 weeks. Seeing a doctor was another step to this being real. At 9 weeks we had our first ultrasound appointment. JD and I both thought we might throw up. Yes, the anxiety was huge. The tech usually turns the screen away and she takes all her measurements and then shows us and talks through it all with us. I told her that due to losing one so late, I really just needed to know yes or no. She could then do everything she needed and I could look later. I just needed to get my heart rate down and breath again. Tears began to flow as she said the heart beat was strong. We were so thankful that all looked great with the baby.

But our anxiety didn't end at that appointment. It continued on for weeks. And at each appointment (yes, JD is back to going to ALL appointments with me) we are sick to our stomachs until we hear that fast heart beat.

I thought expecting another would make the previous due date of July 1 easier, but it didn't. I was just down all day. I even cried a few times at the loss of what would have been. I still know God is in complete control, but loss is still hard and can hit you at times when you don't expect it.

Fortunately, we were able to conceal my growing belly until we made it to Texas to tell our family.

Baby is due on February 5, 2014.  Yes, that will be 3 February birthday in our family!

We are so excited that our story never ends. God is always working, even when we least expect it. And because He is an amazing God who loves us like no other, He deserves ALL the GLORY!