Struggles

Life is not always peachy. And most of the time blogging is about sharing triumphs. We paint this perfect picture of our families for the world to see, but behind closed doors, it is less than wonderful.

Our biggest struggle of late has been our oldest child. The once angel has transformed before our very eyes. Not to say she has always been perfect, but she had more positive than negative until now. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter, we just have not seen eye to eye lately. At. All.

We have seen lots of attitude changes in the past 3 months--sassing, whining (until the cows come home...and we don't live on a farm), arguing, complaining, etc. JD and I have tried multiple avenues of punishment. We have moved around bedtimes to get more sleep. We have rewarded. Some to show temporary improvement, only to revert back to the behavior that is less than desirable.

Then I read this article in the October 2011 issue of ParentLife Magazine.

An Unexpected Gift: Lessons Through a Hairbrush
by Angie Smith

She wants me to brush her hair. She knows how to do that herself, and I suspect she is wasting time.
"Kate, brush your hair and get in the car." I shout down the hallway.
Silence.
"Kate, do you hear me?" She is out of chances, and I am out of patience.
"Yes ma'am" comes the quiet, tentative answer.
I am flustered, trying to carry the car seat and get three other kids in the car without losing my mind. I am well aware that we are already 20 minutes late.
I shake my head, gather up my bags, and walk to the car where the other two have already buckled up.
"Where's Kate?" Ellie asks.
"She's taking her sweet time again," I say under my breath. Only it wasn't really under my breath because Abby heard me and made a comment about how we are always waiting on Kate because she is in her own world most of the time.
I drop Charlotte's car seat in its base and look at the back door, imagining that for once my 5-year old will listen without me having to ask her 15 times. No luck. By the time I make it in the house I am furious. I storm down the hall and as i get closer  to the bathroom i can hear her talking to herself. I swing open the door to find her sitting on the cold tile floor, doll in hand. I don't realize it at first, but as i open my mouth to ask her what she was doing I notice she has a tiny plastic hairbrush in her hand.

A Realization
Instead of snapping at her as I had intended, I felt the Lord speak to my tired soul.
You are teaching them how to care for others.
You don't have "time" to brush her hair and yet you expect her to make time for others.
You say disrespectful things about her in front of her sisters and then you expect them to respect her.
I stood frozen in the doorway. She looked up at me as she started to stand, realizing she hadn't done what was expected of her.
"I'm sorry , Mommy. I forgot."
She set down her little brush and reached for the one her size.
I put my hand over hers and whispered, "I'll do it, Sweetie."
I bent down to her and gave her a big hug, all the while praying the Lord would remind me of this feeling when I get caught up in everything else. As I brushed through the tangles and watched her face light up, I thought about what a gift it was to be able to have the chance.

Ummm...was someone inside my house videoing my family? This story hit the nail on the head. This is how we roll. How many times have I waited until the last minute to get up, rushed to get me ready, and forced Lily to rush to get ready too? She is always wanting some snuggle time. Many times I tell her no, "because we are late." How many times have I said hurtful things to her because I was frustrated?

I have torn down my little one's spirit. She is only 5 and still learning. The last thing I need to do is beat her down and not give her the love that she deserves. She is a child of God and a precious gift in my life. I need to treat her as such instead of acting like she is a burden.

Now, get up and go love on your kiddos and extend lots of grace!